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posted on 09.27.09

Recently I've been trying to gear myself up to start a new project, choreograph something, get back to the studio after sitting in an office all day but I've found it really hard. For the first time in about two years I'm walking around without some inkling of a piece that I know will eat at me until I make it, without the need to produce something, create a little everyday. The list of possible reasons why is pretty lengthy: I'm tired after work, I've been trying to put a house together for three months, I'm consumed with practical (dull) things like laundry and money and whats in the fridge and money and wheres the train and money...and the shit goes on. But I don't think any of that really has anything to do with it. I think I've been mindblowingly busy for the past 7 years of my life and still I've always made that time to get things MADE. 

I think its not about making time. I think I made four dances in six months this year. I think I'm hibernating. 


I've always found the quirks of other people's creative processes to be really interesting especially when creating seems to become a compulsion. When you look at the obsessive compulsive need to make of a lot of outsider artists for instance - take Henry Darger - sometimes I think the most fascinating aspect of their bodies of work is the sheer size, the concept that they couldn't stop themselves from producing. I think a lot of attention has been paid to the practical limits that stop artist from doing their work and to the amazing projects that get done despite limited resources. But I've never really heard a good discussion take place about why sometimes certain people may need to stop producing just to produce and to allow a little room for  - 

And thats the thing, I don't know how to finish that sentence. Time for what? Maybe nothing. No need to prove you worth/"brilliance". No thing to fixate upon. The allowance of mental drift. The ability to immerse yourself in another's process without constantly contrasting it to what you would do/make/present. This is the portion of my hibernation I'm enjoying the most right now - submerging myself in others projects without feeling the pressure to produce something myself in return.  

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